Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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