I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
