don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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