Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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