I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
