I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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