That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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