Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
