When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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