I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
there's paper in my vomit.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
