No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
