So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
