We won't sleep together?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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