Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
