And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
