I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
