I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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