Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
