The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
