Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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