I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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