Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
