I cannot find my penis.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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