Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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