Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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