Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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