I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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