Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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