i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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