i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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