you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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