So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
