she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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