I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
