I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
