just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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