every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
