I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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