Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Come on in and take your pants off
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