Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Houston, we have a squirter
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
