"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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