So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you didnt know i had herpes?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
