Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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