i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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