Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
