thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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