11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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