I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
