She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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