I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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