So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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