when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
